My top five cooking fails // OLP // 2020

One thing that I have been incredibly consistent with in my life is my inability in the kitchen. Most of my struggles stem from a very low level of patience (something I promise I'm working on daily). It started when I was young, and has only grown since then... my brothers have had a lot of fun over the years making fun of me, and if you asked them I'm sure they'd have a few choice words about my cooking (please don't ask them). In light of our current situation, and not having any pictures to blog this week, I thought I would round up my top five cooking fails for you today. The first four date back to some of my first years in the kitchen, and the last one is embarrassingly current... I'm sure you're in for a good laugh!

1. brownies

My mom has a recipe from her aunt for homemade brownies. Growing up, those brownies were made weekly (that's no exaggeration). In the recipe, it calls for one cup of cocoa, or four cocoa baking squares. Unfortunately, before I had the recipe memorized I couldn't exactly recall what it said... and so, instead of calling my mom or looking harder for the directions, I guessed. I guessed that the brownies needed four cups of cocoa. Needless to say, that pan of brownies lasted longer in our house than any others.

2. Jelly bean pancakes

It was a few days after Easter, and I had gotten quite a few jelly beans in my basket. I decided that morning I was going to make pancakes for my family (I was a super considerate middle schooler) and proceeded to make the pancakes while snacking on my jelly beans. I am being completely honest with you when I say I have no idea how the jelly beans ended up in the pancakes. I really don't. What I do know, is that I'll never forget the look on my family member's faces when they found random piece of candy in their syrup soaked pancakes!

3. the hamburger that spontaneously combsusted

Chili is one of my most favorite things in this whole world. The only people in my immediate family who like it are my dad and myself, so I never had to worry about sharing the pot with all the boys. Unfortunately, as I mentioned earlier, I'm not exactly a patient person... so, the concept of thawing out the pound of hamburger before using it has always bored me. Picture this: a pound of frozen hamburger in a frying pan set on the stove, and me with a metal spatula hacking away at the edges as they slowly thawed. All of a sudden (and I'm telling you, I don't know how this happened either) the pound of hamburger was on fire. My parent's have a gas stove with an open flame, which explains things up a little, but I still don't understand how the hamburger, which was still INSIDE the pan was engulfed in flame. Have no fear-- I grabbed an empty milk pitcher, filled it up with water and doused the meat... there was no chili that day.

4. Food fit for animals

As mentioned earlier, my brothers have shown no mercy when it comes to making fun of my meals. A few years ago, during summer vacation, I took it upon myself to make lunch for my undeserving younger brothers. I even tried a new recipe-- Dinner in a Dish. The concept of the dish was hamburger (it's the easiest meat to cook ok?), mashed potatoes, peas, and corn all baked together in one dish. At the time I truly thought I had done everything correctly... looking back, I realize I may not have drained some of the food like I should have i.e. the meat and vegetables. So there we were: my brothers sitting at the kitchen table, me, walking from the stove to the table with my "dish" and a serving spoon. I get to the table and attempt to put food on my brother Tristin's plate with the spoon... only without draining the ingredients first, some of it slopped out of the spoon and out of the dish, and ended up in a watery unappetizing slump on his plate. Silence. And then, from Tristin, "Heeeere pig pig pig!"

5. Overdone pizza

I wish I could say my cooking fails ended when I graduated high school, but that's simply not the case. The majority of my current meals consist of crackers & hummus, sandwiches (I make a good sandwich), and scrambled eggs. A few weeks ago I decided I was going to get super creative and make my own personal pizza-- I bought the crust pre-made, but still it counts for something. I preheated the oven and assembled the pizza and all that was left to do was put it in the oven. Somewhere between putting it in the oven and setting the timer I decided I wanted a sandwich instead (seriously, I make a good sandwich). So, three hours later while sitting in my oversized chair I got a whiff of severely charred personal pizza coming from the kitchen. Thankfully there was no open flame this time!

If you got through all of those catastrophes, congrats! Rest assured, I won't go hungry... my mom's a fabulous cook, and she's always willing to feed me ;)

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Olivia Leigh. 608.574.3091

Dodgeville, Wisconsin